The other day a friend of mine told me "I am concerned because the people I get to know now, will be the people that I will hang out with when I am 40". This friend is 27 years old.
What does that statement make you feel?
For me the feeling was surprise. I don't see life in that way. I agree that it might get harder to meet people in some contexts as you get older. It might seem we start getting lost in our daily lives but it is a limiting thought. You can connect with new people through activities, hobbies or events.
There are many ways in which you can get to know new people. Seeing life as a wave that you can jump in to flow in life is something that can give you energy. To exchange ideas, to feel supported and loved. You can build a network of trust. Maybe that means one or two quality people with whom you can have a genuine exchange. It is different for everyone of us and it can evolve as time passes.
Let me share some ways which can help you.
Online communities
If it wouldn't be for online communities, I wouldn't have gotten to know many interesting people who live lives out of the ordinary. Since I started on my entrepreneurial journey, I have connected with some people in online communities that I can happily call now friends.
Online communities of like-minded people are spaces where you can meet others who share similar interests and you can carry them where you go since they are online connections. These relationships can be taken offline to meet face to face which deepens the connection.
One of my quarterly goals is to meet more like minded people online. Exchanging with people is truly exciting for me, so if you read this and want to share an idea or just say hi, feel free hit the reply button.
Find hobbies you enjoy
For example, lately I joined some writing events which are called Shut Up & Write, love the naming. The events are posted on MeetUp and it is a different context with a reduced group of people. The meeting is limited to ten people and we are not only socializing, we are writing in three timed blocks of 25 minutes where I wrote some of these lines. In between the sessions people share freely what they are writing about, how they come up with a storyline and book recommendations. There are other conversation lines but it is interesting to bond through a certain topic instead of the standard "what's your name, what do you do for a living". It can be refreshing.
You can do a hobby you have already done in the past or try a new activity. Maybe you want to try out a pottery class to do something with your hands. Many of us work with a computer and having a sense of touch with the clay can be a different sensorial experience compared to the feeling of the mouse or the keyboard. When sharing the space with others, you can exchange during or after class. It can be nice because you are exposing yourself to the activity and that creates the space to connect in a different way.
Through exercise
CrossFit is a big one for me. The atmosphere invites to talk to one another since they are reduced groups. There I have made quite some friendships or have had nice conversations. Not only when living in one place, also while travelling. I have gone to CrossFit boxes in Germany, Spain, Norway, Malaysia and probably in other places too.
Going to the gym you also get to know some people but I find it harder to socialize there. In the past I was preparing for a half marathon and I was signed up for a training program. We were meeting multiple times a week to run and specially in the long runs, there was quite some talking. Not only about running but also about life and other topics. It was interesting since many of the people there were older, the conversations were not the usual ones I was having with my friends back then which was giving me also another perspective in life. People of different age groups often have different worries, have you ever overheard little kids talking? That's how those conversations felt but with another age range, feeling like I went out of my "regular topics" with my friends to hear about investments, marriages and kids among other topics.
Planes
You would be surprised how many times I have had deep conversations with my trip neighbours. Those moments have the magic of sharing a space with complete strangers where people are not in a rush. I still haven't figured out if it is because we are travelling that people open up more, but it is interesting.
The person sitting next to you in a plane can hold a new door to the world. It is like Narnia but for a real life story. I have heard so many random stories from my plane neighbours I feel like hugging the world for how grateful I am.
There was a man who showed me videos of the olive pressing machines that he had in his company. A teenage girl who just turned eighteen from a farm in United States who was going to do a trip through Europe, her first impression when seeing Europe from the air was how the fields weren't structured to take advantage of every corner of the land. A young guy who had studied philosophy, was coming back to Spain after having gone to a very big and random art exposition and all his belongings were fitting in a small cabin suitcase. A woman who was working for the Spanish news as a journalist in Berlin when the troops were leaving the city after the wall had fallen. A professional cuban drummer who performed internationally.
In these situations, either you are happy enough by just meeting these people or you might want to invite them for a coffee or to do some activity together. On January, I travelled to Athens and I ended up meeting my plane neighbour later on to go to the cinema. She also gave me many recommendations in the city since she had been living there for some time.
Coworkings
If you are only passing by one day, I didn't find these to be the most social. Whenever you go recurrently, it is like having office mates and people start getting to know you more. There was one in Penang, Malaysia, where I stayed for one month and I hanged out a few times with the people who were there. I also found it nice that whenever I was arriving, people knew me and we were greeting each other. We went out to eat together and also on a hike. In Thailand, I met a girl in a coworking and we went out for food and drinks as well.
Heads up on this option, I want to highlight again that coworkings are way less social than I had expected them to be. In my mind, they were vibrant places where people worked but also shared constantly with one another. The experience probably differs from place to place, similar to the CrossFit example.
Solo travel
Travelling alone doesn't mean spending the whole time by yourself. When I travel alone, I feel people approach me more. Since I am quite curious and social, I tend to have more conversations with new people. This can lead to very interesting exchanges and some friendships. Travelling makes me alive in many ways. The advantage of this one is that you end up having friends in many places in the world that you can visit, the downside is that they are far away and you can't see them on a regular basis unless one of you travels. However, this is can be a magical way to connect with others.
Apps to meet people
Even though I haven't really used this one to make new friends, it is also an option. I tried it in my hometown because I wanted to increase my social circle but I got overwhelmed by the amount of people there. There were some people that I talked to but we didn't manage to meet in the end. In some way it felt like spending more time with my phone chatting to strangers which I didn't enjoy since I already feel like I get enough screen time. Maybe I give it another try at some point, who knows and it might work for you so I wanted to include it in the list.
Meeting old friends
As you get older, there are people with whom you might loose touch. Persons in your life that drift apart from your path. High school friends, some old work colleagues with whom you used to hang out or house mates with whom you shared living space. There are many people that probably were taking an active part in your life that aren't anymore. Revisiting these relationships is like introducing them in your life again and having the energy of a new person in your social circle.
Asking different questions to the people you already know
This is a wonderful one. It might be that you take people for granted. I don't like to admit it because it hurts my ego but I often do. There are people with whom you share spaces often and it is likely that are many inner corners you don't know about them. By asking different questions, you get to know them in a different way. It can be seen like meeting a new person. The relationship gets more enriching.
Proactivity note
Getting to know new people can take time. Don't be afraid of making the first move. We often focus on love relationships but friendships also take time, dedication and can make us feel better. Do not focus only on your friendships, connect people in your network too, in this way your network gets richer. Let others know that you are in the lookout for participating in certain activities or ask to join new social gatherings. Introducing new people in your life takes a proactive exercise from your side. It is an exercise of getting to know yourself as well, how some situations make you feel, with whom you feel a certain energy and to discover new perspectives on how others approach life.
It is understandable that you might feel your "social batteries" lower when sharing time with others. Socializing takes energy, there are many things happening at the once even though we might not realize. Also, in many cases when you are doing the proactive move of getting to know someone it might be that the other person is not open to meet new people or they might just not feel like it at a certain moment. It is also completely fine and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It can also be that the same person is open to have a chat at another point.
Let me tell you a story of the stories we tell our minds.
At the end of last year, I spent some time in my hometown. I almost have no friends living there because most of them have left or I have lost touch with them. There was a gym where I was regularly training, often going at a similar time from Monday to Friday which leads to seeing some faces from others who train at a similar time. My internet was not working one day which I needed if I wanted to see the workout program I had planned and the weights I wanted to set as a baseline. In the end I approached a girl to ask if she could share her data with me so that I could see my workout. She did. Her face expression was neutral. She just shared internet with me having little eye contact and a face of indifference.
In my mind I was telling myself, this girl obviously doesn't want to talk to me so let's just be grateful that she shared her data with me and let her train in peace. I said thank you and followed my workout.
This girl was also going to the gym every day at a similar time than me, so we were seeing each other often. Sometimes greeting each other. One day, she approached me asking me about the deadlift form. I explained to her some concepts in the gym and asked her for her number to share more information that I had at home. In the end, she even ended up starting to gossip with me in our conversation. I was shocked. I thought this girl didn't want to talk to me whatsoever. I even felt like I might be bothering her and disturbing her workout.
So this is a reminder that sometimes the context and the stories that we tell our minds can also be a limiting factor for getting to know new people.
Final note
We are human, we need each other. You don't need to stay in places or with people who leave you constantly with a bad inner feeling. Social connections need to leave you with a better inner feeling.
And you, in which ways do you get to know new people? Did this post give you some ideas? Do you think others can benefit from this article? Feel free to share it with them.
Also, happy if you hit the reply button to share your experiences or to say hi.
Have a good week.
I love you very much world,
Julia
I think it is very useful information and it is super well structured, I really liked reading it and I can confirm that many of these things work if you put them into practice :)